“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people just exist.” – Oscar Wilde
We know the saying, “Life is short” but do we heed its meaning and take advantage of the time we have on earth? I, for one, did not for a good few years of my life. I didn’t know I wasn’t until recently. I was doing what I thought every person was suppose to do. Work, work harder, make money, make more, get the promotion, and build “the life“. What I realized is I wasn’t really building a life. I was building a career. To be fair that is what I had been doing most of my adult life. I got my degree and went to work. I kept working and didn’t have my first child until 35. So, you can say my career was my life until that point. So, I missed the sign that said “Your Life Here” when I became a Mom. Like many I was a busy Working Mom and my life was waiting for me to live it.
The funny thing about life is it will go on without you. Life isn’t like the TV. You can’t pause it and pick up where you left off. My kids didn’t stay babies. I can’t go back to the bubble baths, bedtime stories and cuddles in the rocking chair. I can’t carry them on my hip and play peek-a-boo. You look away for a moment or get focused on your career and your kids are no longer watching cartoons and wearing footed pajamas. The realization comes, that while you were sitting at a computer in an office life kept moving, people were living and you were building a career.
Here is the thing about a career. You can hit the pause button on a career and it will always be there. Sure the same people may not be there. People you promoted with will pass you by and people you supervised will promote up but the career will still be there. Your life, your children, the memories will not.
If you believe in multiple lives you can take a chance on living another life for the opportunity to get it right but wouldn’t you like to take advantage of the life you are living right now to get it right this time. To read one more story at bed time, to kiss the toes, and hear the giggles as you play hide and go seek. Those moments are fleeting.
Sure the career affords a nice lifestyle, great vacations and fun toys. I can’t argue with that. But after 3 months leave from work recently I was preparing for my return and talking about it with my youngest son. He was hesitant, of course, because that meant Mommy would be gone a lot. I assured him that things would be different this time as I would be working less and home more. In that moment I became very aware of all the lost hours, nights and bedtime stories. I also realized how my absence was felt by my children. I thought having Daddy home was good enough. And, what about Daddy? How did having his wife gone so much impact him, our marriage?
So, what to do when you are faced with that moment in life. Keep moving forward or turn? I turned. I slowed down my career and chose more time with my family. When my kids ask for the trip to Disneyland or Hawaii or an expensive toy I ask them if they want me to work more hours so I can make more money. The answer is always no.
Turning doesn’t mean stopping. For some it may. But the reality is many can’t simply walk away from a job. So, maybe you are like me and you assess what is a priority in life.
- How much do you really need to live and get by on a monthly basis? The answer might surprise you – less than you think and less than you are spending.
- What are you willing to sacrifice to make a change?
- Are you living the life you wanted to live?
- Are you fulfilled?
- If you are missing hours from home is it worth it?
- Where can you make changes so you can work less if your wanted?
Change is hard and takes work but if there is something you really want and the reason is good enough than the work is worth it. Building a career is hard work and takes lots of sacrifice. Doing the same for more personal time is no different and shouldn’t receive any less priority.
I don’t beat myself up over the lost time with my kids (too often). I don’t take anything away from my career or others that work hard for theirs. We do what we have to to support our families, we make choices that are right for our circumstances and we each have our own paths in life. I understand and respect that. For me, personally, I make different choices now. I choose my family, I choose me, I choose to spend more time building a life and less time building a career.
I may not be playing footed pajama peek-a-boo but I am learning about Pokémon, helping with homework, and home to enjoy the coveted family movie night. By slowing down I am living more than I ever have and richer than I ever dreamed.